Butterflies

The game was at its peak interest level when he was suddenly brought back to reality by the gentle buzz of his phone's vibration. Begrudgingly he hit the Esc key, he had been real close to the completion of the level, and started looking for the damned thing. Finally he located the cell and unlocked it. An instant smile lit his face. It was her.
They had known each other since school. Although they were never the best of friends, just acquaintances, she had something about her which he really liked. They had met only a couple of months back, after a good number of years. So many stories to tell, so many experiences to share, so little time. That night there was the spark. All of a sudden for some inexplicable reason, he had started liking her. As the days went by and they stayed in touch, his feelings grew. Eventually succumbing to his heart, he had asked her out. She had no clue where this came from and made him understand why she could not say yes. With a heavy heart, he had laughed it off. He understood.
It had been almost a month since then and now. They had been in touch all this time. And everyday notched up his feelings for her. He hurriedly messaged her back; the game could wait. And pat came her reply. Minutes gave way to hours as he frantically searched for topics to keep the messaging going on. He didn't want to say goodbye just yet. One topic gave way to another, from absolutely pointless ones to more serious ones. Every single message was re-read by him at least twice. A very familiar feeling was now developing inside his stomach - butterflies.
'Why did u ask me out?' She had asked him this question a couple of times already and his answer had always been the same, 'I have no idea. Because I like you?!' The same topic was underway again. She asked him if he was still interested and if he was she might actually give it a thought. Interested? He was much more than interested, he was sure of what he felt. Finally he asked her if she was actually going to give it another shot. The reply that came sucked the air out of his stomach.
He didn't know whether to jump with joy or start dancing. He had to be sure that the reply was exactly what he thought it meant. She had been thinking about him for the past 2 days and she figured she liked him too. And the reply which followed confirmed it all. He had been waiting for this day ever since he had met her a few months ago and now that it was here, he did not know how to react. He felt like a small kid, who had been granted his one true wish. And then he got the same feeling again. Butterflies stormed his stomach like a level 5 tornado. He had never thought he would feel this again, but there it was. He could not sleep that night at all.
He was smiling all through next day, so was she. It had been so long since he had felt this magnitude of any positive emotion. He wanted to laugh, to jump, to sing, to dance but most of all, he wanted her in his arms. He checked his phone 10 times in an hour, just to be sure he had mot missed any new message. He read and re-read all the last messages, all of them. And every time he read them, his face would light up and butterflies would rule. The sun was setting now. In less than 24 hours, life had gone from being sad to beautiful, a person had gone from being a friend to much much more and his face could do nothing but smile. He was scrolling through his inbox. He stopped at one particular message, the one which had been the cause of the butterflies floating in his stomach. After a long long time he truly smiled as he read the message for the umpteenth time.
'YES :)'

Love and Second Chances

"To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven" ~ Karen Sunde

Love is probably the most amazing feeling to have existed. You cannot feel it, you have to experience it. It bonds two individuals in a phenomenal bond of intimacy and trust. There comes a time in every persons life when they experience this feeling. It can sweep you off your feet, give you butterflies in the stomach, make your life beautiful, truly give you a glimpse of heaven. But there is another side to it also. The part where love hurts you. More so often we see relationships which end badly, leaves one shattered, literally destroyed. They say love is as painful as it is beautiful, it destroys as much as it creates, it shatters as much as it uplifts. Falling in love is blissful, falling out of it is painful. And once you fall out of it, you feel that you can never love again.

But life and love are never that cruel. There always comes a time in every persons life when love gives them a second chance, a chance to love again, to feel again, to be happy again. Whether we take that chance or not is completely up to us and sadly most of us are so preoccupied crying over the one that ended to see the one that could begin. We are so sad and heart broken that we do not take notice of anything that may be able to mend it. We feel that we will never love again. And we get so consumed by this that we forgo any second chances. We lose faith in love itself, lose faith in trust based relationships, feel like running away from everything, and hence lose faith in life. We feel we are stuck at one place, unable to move whereas the truth is that we don't want to move. We feel consumed by the feeling of love loss and pain.

But is it worth it? Is it worth spending all of that time mourning over someone who could not understand the depth of your feelings, who could not keep the trust you had in them, who was the one who walked away.I don't think so. I'm not saying that its easy. It never is. People say that they don't want to get hurt again, but there is one thing I have always believed in and that is that the greatest risk in life is to not have risked anything at all, never having lived at all. Love always gives us a second chance, sometimes early, sometimes late but its always up to us whether to accept it and make the best of it or let go of it and risk this blissful feeling.

So all those people who have fallen out of love, get up and say yes to life and love. They say you only love once, but I say you can love as many times as you want, but only if you want. No one can force you in that state of mind or make you fall in love. Love happens only if you want it to happen. So stop the mourning and start the flying.

Cheers!!

2D Animation at its best

Simply beautiful piece of animation by Mr. Ryan Woodward. Love the way he has captured the emotion via simple lines and an extremely well choreographed dance. Though this may have any interpretation, this is my interpretation of what this video might want to convey.

The guy has lost the love of his life and wants to be with her again. He can't accept the fact that she is gone and is reminiscing all of the good memories that they had shared together. He is trying to catch her, but every time, she just manages to slip through his fingers, sometimes like water and sometimes like smoke. He yearns for her. He is stuck in that time frame and even when the world is moving on, he doesn't want to move on yet. He wants these memories of her to stay with him forever. Day gives way to night and he relishes each moment spent with each dance. And at the end when she changes color, the guy has finally accepted the fact she is indeed gone and begins to move on, accompanied only by the memories of the beautiful times that they had shared together.

The video doesn't belong to me. For more information visit this site mentioned below.
http://conteanimated.com/

Hope she doesn't hurt herself

The setting sun was casting deep red rays onto the three figures sitting by the roadside. Richell was rocking back and forth, Fred had his head in his hand and Tyler was looking intently at Richell, waiting for her to respond.
"So?" He asked her again. Fred slowly looked up and then at Richell. She looked back at him with pleading eyes.
"You know what the answer to that question is..." she said. Tyler dropped his hands by his side and heaved a sigh of desperation. True, both Tyler and Fred knew the answer to the question, but they wanted to hear it straight out of her mouth. But she won't speak. Her eyes said it all, but her lips won't move. She really loved Charlie a lot.
It had been some time since Charlie and Richell had broken up. And surprisingly, they were still friends, putting a huge question mark on one of life's worst truths - two exes can never be friends. The two of them acted absolutely normal around each other and things couldn't have been better. But now, a different face of their friendship was emerging. Even though she claimed to have gotten over him, she had not. Not one bit.
To make matters worse, she was about to get engaged to another guy. Did she love him, it didn't matter. She had to have a reality check and this was it. But being the kind of person she was, despite the fact that she was very well aware of the fact that she loved Charlie, she would not accept it. Tyler pressurized her more. Fred tried a more gentle approach. None worked. She was determined to not say a word.
Finally after almost two hours of trying out everything, she said it. "Yes, I love him ok?" And then began the harder part of the conversation, what was she going to do about her situation. She was a real close friend to both Tyler and Fred and they didn't want her to ruin her life. But the way she was headed, she was on a crash course and refusing to accept it. She needed some sense knocked into her.
It was pretty dark now. She had missed her shuttle home. But the discussion had not managed to move one bit from where it stood. She insisted that everything will turn out to be ok in due course of time and Tyler fought back saying that things don't work that way. Finally Tyler gave up and they opted to go back home. It was pretty late.
Just when they were about to leave, Richell saw Charlie leaving for home. A small smile crept across her face as she asked Charlie if he could drop her home. Tyler looked away. Fred stood in the middle, not knowing what to do. 2 hours they had spent trying to explain something to her. All in vain. Richell and Charlie were soon out of sight. Tyler sighed as he stepped into the car, "I hope she doesn't hurt herself trying to prevent others from getting hurt by her."
Its true Richell was getting over Charlie, but there is a reason why two exes cannot be friends, and that reason is that no matter how hard one tries, the feeling of love never dies and hope stays alive. Did Richell hope to get back with Charlie? Only Richell knew the answer to that question. How long would she continue to love Charlie? Only God knew the answer to that question. Tyler's words were still ringing in Fred's ears. 'Hope she doesn't get hurt'. The cars were flying past as he looked out the window. 'Hope' he thought and looked away.

Why should I quit?

I have always believed that college is the time you should do it all. Experience everything you have ever wanted to experience and when you pass out, have no regrets. My story kinda follows the same pattern. Experienced pretty much everything I ever wanted to experience. Smoking, drinking, failing in exams, living in a hostel as a free bird, partying even after having no money, scoring a distinction and even falling in love. And most of these will remain as nothing but fond memories from those Golden days.
Throughout college I've had a few of my friends telling me to quit smoking. They hated it. And I would always get a reason as to why I should quit. Needless to say none of them stuck. I was off for some time and then I was back on. They say smoking is the hardest thing to quit, I've done it tons of times already. And so that one habit remained even after I passed out.
But there comes a time in every smoker's life when he/she gets the motivation to go ahead and quit completely. The motivations can be infinite ranging from the smallest of things to the most crucial of them. Most of the times, the motivation comes in the form of a person, in most cases, the love of their lives. But what do you do when your motivation gives up on you? The answer is simple, you go back to the death stick.
For me, I've had a couple of people telling me to quit. Some of them have stopped trying, some have walked out  of my life and some others have turned smokers themselves. But there is this one recent acquaintance who is different. Lets call her X.
I haven't known X for a lot of time, but I see my motivation in her. X scolds me, badgers me, gives me a hundred reasons daily as to why I should quit and just doesn't stop. But for the first time after starting smoking, she actually made me feel that I should quit. What's so special about her? Nothing really. She is just like any other female I have ever come across, yet different in a way. She cares. Not that the others before her did not, but she just does not give up. She once went as far as saying that if I don't quit, she won't ever learn music in her life.
But I can't stop. Does that make me a bad guy. Yes it does. Big time. Will I justify myself? No I won't. Its like my life depends on the stick so much, that I just can't give it up at a shot. I need time and support. And just when I think I'm ready to move on, the support vanishes. It happened this time also just like last time. I know most people would say, that it ain't that tough. But there is a reason a lot of people in this world are never able to quit smoking. I guess I also fall among the masses. Have I lost hope? I don't think so.
*Sigh* And so I sit here, waiting that one day even my motivation will arrive and set me free of these chains of smoke. Till then....

Good guys finish last

'Nothing like beer on a full moon night' thought Fred as he gazed down the length of the park he was sitting in and then down at the bottle of Carlsberg he was holding. The beer was getting warmer but he had had his share of booze for the night. His friend Charles was sitting right beside lost in thought.
"So, how are things with Marie?" slurred Fred. Charles gave him a dazed look and nodded. Fred took another swig of the beer and asked, "You OK dude? You seem worried." Charles was staring at the ground. He was not at all OK. Not even close.
"I don't think I love her that much dude" The alcohol seemed to just evaporate from Fred's system. "What??"
"Yea this just doesn't feel the way it should." And that marked the way for what was going to be the longest and most painful conversation ever.
Fred had known Charles for quite some time now. He had seen Charles come out of his last relationship as a shattered soul. But Marie was different. After a long long time, Charles was happy. But this news was absolutely a shocker. Fred just sat quietly and listened as Charles explained. He needed more booze.
Being a friend can sometimes be a hard job. And in that situation, Fred gave him the only advice that seemed reasonable, Charles had to break up with Marie.
Fred had known Marie for a relatively short duration of time. But they were pretty close too. She had been there for him when he had needed her and he respected her for that. But Marie was not aware of this new development. So Fred did what any other friend would have done. He tried hard to instill some faith and hope in her. Succeeded at it too. Deep down Fred hoped that things would work out between the two of them.
Luck was the bad guy here. Charles, in a desperate attempt to push Marie away told her the truth. Marie was shattered. She did really love him a lot. Fred tried talking to her but failed. Everything was going wrong.
Finally Fred managed to get Marie to talk to him. Being the friend to both of them he tried to explain the situation to Marie. But of course Marie was hurt. Fred took the lashing. In her fit of rage, she lashed out at the one person in front of her, Fred. He heard all with a smile. He felt for her, he knew she was hurt, he didn't say anything. Fred caught up with Charles eventually, told him what had happened, probably expecting some comfort. Sadly it just wasn't his day. Charles simply walked away from him.
What did he do wrong? Fred had just tried to be the guy who wanted things to end well. And now he was sitting all alone, after loosing two of his closest friends in 1 day. He watched the smoke from the lit cigarette in his hand rise slowly into the air and vanish. What had he done wrong? 

Amake Amar Moto Thakte Dao

This is a song that I heard a few days back and found it really touching. For all my bengali friends, they would understand this pretty easily. But for all my non - bengali friends I wish to try and translate this into English.

This is a song that looks at life from a guy's perspective. It speaks of a guy trying to get back or as we call it 'move on' from a broken relationship. He has reduced himself to a drowning man in a sea of sadness, as he reflects on his past. But as they say that every cloud has a silver lining, he tries to free himself from the bond. He is lost in a sea of sad people but he is trying to rise above all of that to give life and love a second chance.

These are the actual lyrics:

Amake amar moto thakte dao
Ami nijeke nijer moto guchiye niyechi
Jeta chilona chilona sheta na pawai thak
Sab pele noshto jibon

Tomar ei duniyar jhapsa aloy
Kichu shondhyer guro howa kaancher moto
Jodi ure jete chao tobe ga bhashiye dao
Durbine chokh rakhbona Na Na

Na Na Na Na (X2)

Ei jaahaj mastul chhaarkhaar
Tobu golpo likhchi baanchbaar
Ami rakhte chai na aar taar
Kono raat dupurer abdaar
Tai cheshta korchi bar bar
Shaantre paar khonjar

Kokhono akash beye chup kore
Jodi neme ashe bhalobasha khoob bhore
Chokh bhanga ghume tumi khujo na amay
Ashe pashe ami ar nei...
Amar jonne alo jelo na keu
Ami manusher shomudre gunechi dheu
Ei station-er chattore hariye gechi
Shesh train -e ghore phirbo Na Na Na
Na Na Na Na (X2)

Tomar rokte ache shopno joto
Tara chhutchhe ratri din nijer moto
Kokhono shomoy pele ektu bhebo
Anguler phaanke ami koi
Hisheber bhire ami chaina chhute
Joto shukno peyajkoli fridge -er sheete
Ami obelar daal bhaate phuriye gechi
Bilaasher jole bhashbo Na Na Na
Na Na Na Na (X2)

Ei jaahaj mastul chharkhar
Tobu golpo likhchi banchbaar
Ami rakhte chai na ar tar
Kono rat dupurer abdar
Tai cheshta korchi bar bar
Shaantre par khonjar

And this is the translated version: 

Please let me lead my own life
I have created my own space for myself
What I could not achieve, let it be unachieved
Achieving everything ruins life.

In your own  world
Just like a speck of dust, you can float away if u want
But I am not going to dip into the future ( Literally: won't keep on looking through the binoculars )

My world is shattered ( Literally : the mast of my ship is shattered )
Still I am writing the story of my survival
I will no longer be the subject to your tantrums and wishes
And that's why I'm trying again and again, to swim to the shore

If one morning you quietly find your love for me
Don't look around for me
As I am not by your side any more
Dont turn on the lights for me
I have fallen into the sea of humanity and lost on this railway station
I wont be catching the last train home

Whatever dreams you do have in you,

Are running around madly on their own will
If you ever find time, just think back
Where am I in your cupped hands
In your world of materialism,
I dont want to be treated like decaying vegetables in the cold refrigerator
Or wallow in the sea of love-loss

Dumb...No I'm not

The glowing hands of the clock on his desk read past 12 AM. He had been through a long day at work, but somehow sleep was elusive. Something had been bothering him all day. So he decided to call up his friend for a late night chat. She picked up and answered in a sleepy voice. Dang! She had been sleeping. Feeling bad he asked her to go back to sleep. But she won't. Within seconds, she was wide awake and somewhere deep down, he felt lucky to have her as a friend.
After putting down the phone, he stared at the blank ceiling for some time. Seriously, if he had to put down something about her, what would he write. He remembered all the time that they had spent together in school. They weren't exactly the best of friends to begin with. But somewhere something changed and enmity gave way to friendship which in turn gave way to something more. Before he even realized what was happening, they were dating (secretly of course).
In front of the whole school, they hated each other's guts but back from school, they would laugh and joke about  the whole deal. He remembered his birthday when she had given him a rather awesome gift (read speechless). He remembered all the small little things she had done for him, cute in a way. But soon she had to leave. And with her leaving, it brought the one factor which breaks most relationships, distance. They didn't talk for ages and soon he forgot her.
But call it fate or just pure luck, she had somehow managed to get his number in college and one day she gave him a call. It was heaven for him, listening to that voice after such a long long time. They chatted for hours and chatted like they had never left each other's side all this time. He found out she was dating another guy. It crushed him, but he smiled and said that he was happy for her.
He remembered all the times she was down and he would stay awake all night to talk to her and console her. He remembered the times when she would give him chic advice. She had given a new meaning to his life. Through good times and really bad ones, they had stuck by each other. And till this very day, she would be literally the first person he would call to shoo away his woes.
He remembered her asking him to write a couple of words about her. He stared at the keyboard, half visible in the dim glow of his monitor. The glowing hands on the clock now read past 2 AM. Dang! He had office tomorrow. A smile crept across his face as he remembered the one word which would totally summarize her.
Dumb! And a beautiful distant voice in his head cooed...No I'm not.

Time Pass on Photoshop

Most of these images have been developed from scratch using nothing but simple shapes and then stylizing them. Except for the one below and the entitled 'Fading'. Had been wanting to put these up for a long long time. So here they are. Cheers!

 A girl blowing pollens.

 Experimenting with a sphere and smoke.

A digital abstract.

 Tribute to my phone - Nokia X6

 Ripples.

Fading 

Electro swirl

A Beam

Creating Fire.

Friends

The song was pretty loud, loud enough for him to be not able to answer the phone. His recently broken up girlfriend was calling. She hadn't called him in ages now; so why now. He spun down the volume dial and picked up the call.
Her voice still gave him the same feeling as it had for the past 2 years. But today there was a sadness present in her voice. He got alarmed; he still cared for her. And then she told him something which completely muted out the world. The cars, the construction, and everything around him was as if in slow motion. She had stated liking somebody else.
And just like a video goes from slo-mo to normal pace, he was back. But instead of the news killing him as he expected it would, it cleared his mind. As if the great fog had lifted and he could finally see everything. It all made sense. And then he laughed like he had not in the past few months after their break up. He was happy for her, but most of all he was happy for himself.
He remembered a conversation he had with a friend during lunch. Both of them had gone through the same fate, but his friend had moved on and was now a happier person. And his friend had advised him to do the same. But he was stupidly in love, and hence clinging on to the one hope he could hold on too. But now there was no reason to cling on to anything. He decided he would call up his friends and inform all of them.
One of them was in the office. She was definitely more worried than what she was portraying. She said she would call him back later. She was th typical love sick female. Everything was utterly romantic to her. And this news was a bad one.
Another friend who also happened to be busy, had a pretty cold response. She had expected the girl to move on before him anyways. She also would call him later.
His third friend then sat with him and laughed his ass off about how similar their stories were and he could not agree less. But then everything happens for the best, with these words he head back home.
By the time he reached, he realized that his friend had called and missed him. He didn't call back right away. The other had a different approach altogether. She had already begun to hate his ex-girlfriend, and now reading him excerpts from his facebook profile, laughing about how sad a guy she's falling for. 

But one thing that was common between the three of them was that, they cared. There had been times when they were busy or unavailable but when it really mattered they were there for him.


If you know who you are, Thank you...!! And it is truly an honor having you as a friend.

Valentines Day

Valentines Day, the day of love as the world knows it. I celebrated this day, after what seems like ages, being single. I must say it pretty much sucks. You can't go to watch a movie because the halls are thronged with couples all wanting to grab the elusive corner seats. And on top of that if you have seen every movie released this week and the only movie left is "No Strings Attached", then I must sat you are in deep shit. You pretty much have nowhere to go. The restaurants are overflowing, the streets are jam packed, the theaters are absolutely out-of-limits, which leaves what? The pubs!
So me and a couple of my friends decide to hit a nearby beer bar to spend valentines day getting sloshed listening to some great music. But apparently even these places are not spared. We had to wait for like 20 minutes before we could enter the place and that too on a Monday. I mean what the hell. Not only that, almost every table inside was full of people either drinking with their loved ones, in memory of their loved ones or to forget the same. You know you are in the wrong place when you have people toasting death to girls right next to your table.
I mean its not that I'm anti valentines day or anything but my recent break up had a lot to do with my decision to booze. But after spending some time in there I realized that there is no point hating what had happened and cursing the whole female race for that. I mean yes some of us have had their hearts broken (and broken a few ourselves) but thats no reason to curse the whole race. I mean given a few months ago, these same people must have been the ones snuggling up to their better halves as docile as lapdogs.
And then it dawned on me (or it could have been the beer), that we as humans are a very jealous race. We cannot withstand anyone else's happiness let alone be a part of it. Your best friend just got committed..."lucky ba***rd", someone got a more awesome cell that you do..."spoilt brat", a great girl walking with a not so great (read pretty lame) guy..."wtf". I mean what in the world is wrong with us? If he's got a better girl, then there is a reason for it. Sure in a lot of cases it is money but there you go. No point feeling jealous of it and getting sloshed in the pub. You want it, go get it.
Everyone of us falls in love. And by god it hurts when it ends. But then again there is a reason why everything happens. May be you'll find a much better girl and fall in love again, or may be someone from the past will turn out to be much more than a friend. The possibilities are endless. But the moment you stop to vent your anger and frustration, you are left with nothing more than a bad headache in the morning. So always celebrate this day (and booze) in happiness, if not for your then for those whom you really care about. After all Dil To Bachcha Hai Ji.

This is dedicated to all my friends who have found , are in the process of finding or waiting to find their one true soulmate, their one true Valentine. Cheers!

That Night

The silent click of her computer mouse was the only sound in the entire room. Her roommate had gone out to get groceries. Wiling away time on the internet was getting pretty boring for her now. Just as she stretched out to shut the laptop out of sheer boredom, a ping sounded on her desktop. Bedrudgingly she opened the window and read the notification. An instant smile spread actoss her face. It was a mail from the boy she loved. He was currently posted on a ship, miles away from civilization, and this was their only means of communication now. Fleeting memories of laughter, long walks and cozy moments buzzed her brain as she cursed the speed of the net. She would change it first thing in the morning. Finally the mail finished loading. His ever smiling face was now fixated in her head reading out every single word as she went through them. She really loved him a lot and she knew that he loved her too. 
But with the next line her world came crashing down upon her. Suddenly his smiling face turned into a surreal grimacing figure she had seen so a many times. Long walks gave way to longer fights and cozy moments turned into the one singular instance that had shattered her entire existence only a few weeks ago. Like a broken record playing in a horror movie, his last words were echoing in her head. He had broken up with her. And in this mail, he wanted to iterate upon the various reasons he did so. This was not the first of its kind, there had been a few before, all having the same end result, pain, cold numb and brutal pain. She read through the lines, the keyboard now dotted with tears, her demeanour no longer jovial but with a heart trying to pick up whatever was left after that incident. She had failed to give him the time that he deserved. She had hurt him beyond measure and he wanted her to know that. Every line was like a gash on her broken heart. It was the exact same thing that had happened the last time. Was she not made for a relationship? What on earth was wrong witn her? Why was she the only person who was failimg again and again at love? 'Love' and 'Relationship', these words seemed so not made for her. For the second time in her life some one had broken her heart but it was all her fault. 
But was it really? What of all the times she had cried herself to sleep because he was the one who had hurt her. What of all the pain and heartache that she had gone through and was still enduring with a smile on her face. No one ever knew about that except for one of her best friends. And she was not the one reminding him of the great screw ups that happened in the relationship. 
No she was not the weak link in the relationship, he was. Yes they both loved each other, true but she loved him no less than he loved her. And that she would have him know, ship or no ship. With a sharp click, the browser collapsed. She would not tolerate this any more. It was about time that she actually started living her life like she wanted to and not like the way he and others before him wanted her to. So if some one wanted her, she would be her true self from now on. A take it or leave it offer. With a snap, she shut off the laptop and lied down on her bed. She could hear her roommate now comimg up the stairs. 'Life is good' she told herself and wiping away the sole tear on her cheek, she turned away and drifted off. 
The silent sob was the last sound heard in the room that night.